Mrs. Sancara writes me a lovely email:
My Dear Friend,My, isn't that nice? I don't recall ever meeting Mrs. Sancara or having heard of her before, but the fact she holds me in such high regard is touching. She continues,
May the blessings of Allah be upon you...
Does this involve him turning up in my dinner? Because I'm not sure I want that.
...and grant you the wisdom and sympathy to understand my situation and how much I need your help.
Don't worry, darlin'. Wisdom and sympathy are my middle names. Actually, Twisty Poi is my middle name, but I digress.
I am Mrs.Mariam Sancara.Yes, I know. You already told me. You'd think I'd already know that, what with us being such good friends an' all.
I am contacting you with the hope that you will be of great assistance to me, I currently have within my reach the sum of 4.3 million U.S dollars cash which I intend to use for investment purposes.
Holy moley, that a lot of moolah. And it's within reach? What, are you rolling around in a huge pile of it? Because that's totally what I would do.
I therefore personally appeal to you seriously and religiously...
Religiously? Is Allah in for a cut?
...for your urgent assistance to move this money in to your country where I believe it will be safe...
Boy, you don't know me very well, do you? The moment the cheque clears, I'm swiping the lot and buggering off to Aruba.
...since I cannot leave the country due to the restriction of movement imposed on the members of my family by the Government.
Bummer. Although, no restrictions on accessing the internet, apparently. House arrest isn't what it used to be.
This money came as a result of a payback contract deal between my husband and a Russian firm in our country.
Well, hell, if you can't trust the Russians, who can you trust?
The Russian partners returned my husbands share .
Wait. What? How does that work? I don't get it.
Presently, the Government has intensified their probe in to my husbands financial resources...
I don't blame them. Sounds like there was something dodgy going on.
...which has led to the freezing of all our accounts, local and foreign, the revoking of all our business licences and the arrest of my First son.
Except, apparently, the account that has the 4.3 million bucks in it. That seems lax on their part.
In view of this I want to acted very fast to withdraw this money from one of our finance houses before it will be closed down.
Oh, I see. They haven't closed it down immediately, they've given you a couple of days. Well, that's nice of them. I would want to acted very fast, too.
My husband deposited the money in a finance firm for safe keeping .
Sensible. You don't want all that cash just lying about the place. Unless you're rolling around in it.
No record is known about this fund by the government because there is no documentation showing that we have such funds.
Um. Ok. Then how are they freezing an account they know nothing about? I'm confused.
Further more, my elder son have been in detention in the last four years following the death of my late husband for charges of State organized murder and corrupt practices.
Whoa, Nelly!! What the fuck? Your son has been inside for four years for 'State organized murder and corrupt practices'? He sounds like a nasty piece of work. Why did they only arrest him after the death of your husband? Did your son bump off his dad? This bit just raises a lot of questions, all of them with potentially unpleasant answers. I'm starting to wonder if I want to get mixed up with you people.
...he was just been released by the Supreme Court after the president brokered a deal with my family regarding his freedom,
Well, that was good of him. After all, if the murder was State organised, the president could hardly condemn it, right? And all governments are willing to overlook the odd corrupt practice here and there.
...and he is still under interrogation about my late husband's assets and some vital documents.
The vital documents that don't exist? That's gonna be some tough interrogation.
Due to the current situation in the country and government attitude to my family,I cannot make use of this money within, thus I seek your help in transferring this funds out for investment than leaving the fund here and to invest the money to profit my family Bearing in mind that you may assist me.l have decided to part with 25% of the total sum.
So, that's $1,075,000. Not bad, but what's stopping me just stealing the whole $4.5 mil? You seem very trusting. Wait, this works out to be £537,500. I'm starting to wonder if this is worth my time and effort, what with getting into the Bukina-Faso [sic] government's bad books. Still, I guess £537,500 would still get me to Arruba with enough left over for some reconstructive surgery.
I am seriously considering to settle down abroad in a friendly atmosphere like yours
Yes, England is well known for it's welcoming attitude to Muslim immigrants.
I shall ask my son Djiba to come over to your country to liaise with you.I do hope this isn't the murderer. Suddenly the word 'liaise' takes on sinister connotations. Presumably, the government hasn't placed any 'restriction of movement' on Djiba. That's lucky!
If this proposal satisfies you. please do not let me out to the security as I am giving you this information in total trust and confidence...Oh, shit. I just posted the whole thing on the internet. My bad.
...and please include your personal telephone and fax numbers.Fax number? Who the fuck uses fax machines anymore? Why don't I just send you a carrier pigeon?
I will greatly appreciate if you accept my proposal in good faith.
Your URGENT response is needed.Well, Mariam, your proposal is most tempting. Who wouldn't want to get half a mil for pissing off a corrupt government who are currently 'interrogating' (I take this to mean 'torturing') your son?
Regards and Allah Bless you.
Mrs.Mariam Sancara.
I just need a couple of days to think about it. Not URGENT enough?
Posts
